Day 1

“I do”, were the words I said to her that day. She said it back of course, for we got married. She was beautiful; her face was like an angel. I miss her now, but at the same time I do not.

We got married in the summer, down by the beach. The wedding was planned by her family, it was an arranged marriage. I hardly knew her when we did get married, but I saw that she was beautiful. I had to do it; I had to marry this girl that I barely knew. The vows we said at the altar, cliche none the less. 

I do miss her, her smile, her laughter, and her love. We were only married for a year when she left. We got to know each other so well, but she was hiding something from me. We would talk for hours on end every night, but there was something in her voice that was off after the first couple of months of getting to know each other. I was beginning to fall in love with her, and that’s when she told me the terrible news.

I should have known from the start, that she was sick. If I would have known, I could have helped her, but now she is gone. My heart aches every night for her, I sob into my pillow until I fall asleep.

Before she left, I took care of her, even quitting my job. People started to think that I was crazy, but all I wanted was for her to stay alive longer. I did whatever it took to keep her alive. I took her to doctor’s appointments almost every other day; every day was as bad as the last. The doctor’s always said that there was nothing that they could do, I was crushed but I had to keep going. She started to wither away, her face sunken in and skin so pale. It was horrible to see such a beautiful girl, such a beautiful spirit wash away.

Her funeral was not long after those last couple of days; her family was planning that since they found out. The doctor’s told me I managed to help keep her alive longer than they had expected. I was happy about that, but then I felt selfish too. I felt selfish because I wanted her to be alive for me, not for herself. I feel as if I am guilty, in her death. I feel hopeless now that she is gone.

Why couldn’t I have been the one to go and leave this world? I ask myself that question every day; a year has passed. I guess it is time for me to move on with my life and stop grieving. It’s time for me to leave her at peace and my heart as well. I know that it is selfish of me to do this, and to hurt everyone. I know that, and I am sorry to whomever has found this letter.

Just know that I am at peace now, with her. Just know that I never meant to hurt you, and that I am truly sorry.

 

 

Farewell my friend.